again, my brother

my mum asked me why i hav that kind of attitude to my brother? seriously tell her if i talk nicely to him, he sure will show a brother look in future, i cant let this happen again, hence i cannot talk with him if possible, simply yes or no is enough, i know i am cruel and bad, but i cant tahan even one more words to be scold by him or instructed by him, because i am that. juz like car, which he is very expert in, got problem, i will so reluctant to ask for his help even till the car really broke i oso dun mind, if not i will say official thank you.
我也不想的， 真的很厌倦跟他吵闹， 因为眼泪会不小心落掉

thanks

thanks u guys and gals for ur concerns to my mum, i appreciate~

so smart!

i found myself so smart 2day coz my mum ask me to fetch her from taman desa and i sucessfully find a new route to jalan klang lama, hehe^^

emo monday

2day feel so emo, as usual, i dislike the first class in monday coz is fsa tutorial, where i hav to attend with all year 3 senior. the main problem is not dat but is fsa tutorial very hard, cannot understand and do at all, what we learn is not what in the tutorial, dam stress~den after macro lecturer, hav 2 hours break, den they all go makan, i on diet, juz drink my milk powder, den after dat they left me in the canteen, den feel so lonely,very bushuang, den drive to wangsawalk walk walk. thought to watch movie but den all the time cannot match my time, coz i am havin 4 clock class, den juz walk walk, still left .5 hours, wangsa walk seriously hav nothing to shop, sien den stay in a coffe shop hav some piece of bread where i hav think for so long, secret recipe cake lots of mousse, others hav many fats, drinks very sweet...den after class, go geh hse, den thought to find hh dinner but den they dun wan movie, den i felt eat with them a bit 不自在，so i choose to call robin dinner, at least i find them a better friends to talk and fun, at least i can do more freely in front of them, even watch football with them oso can i find more fun.

illness is a eveil to my mum now

u will never know when a healthy person get sick, the consequences can be how terrible, that is what happen to my mum.everyone will know to say" 看开点 又不是cancer 不会死人 不要想那么多" but do we know a healthy person who can run for 6 circles in the ground suddenly hav to see many doctor, est many medicine, how pity it is to her.i, as her daughter, do not too. ear fluid imbalance cause by unknown reason(may b viral infection, menopause pre-symptom, low blood pressure...), my mum health was not like last time, she feel worried and havin slightly of depression 忧郁症 she is juz like makan ubat like dat, it happens twice a day where excretion of hormone by brain is out of control, negative thought juz come out of mind, i asked and cared what had happened and she cant answered and juz like bit gila like dat, face expression and action very wrong and almost speak out" 我很想死掉它". yesterday, seriously hav no idea but to call my mum most caring sister, sally to ask for help and she advised me to bring her to see psyhologist, den dere i drove her.in the car, i keep drive fast to disturb her attentive mind and keep on say(in a slight scold manner), finally my water drops due to her stubborness in facing the illness. the psycho doctor, john tan, was not a perfect psycho doctor as i thought like in hongkong drama like dat, not dat pro, but mayb in medicine. no music in room, quite small, not leaning, not much of talking, but lame laughing some time. before mum gets into the consultation, she burst too, cried, but i hav no react to it, as i think crying is a way to undepress, i juz see and read my newspaper, till entering the doctor's room, she sit in front and i juz sit behind the sofa, i will think is a better way for my mum to hav a talk with him. den, take medicine for rm238 den head to sally's hse. how can i comfort her when she get stubborn and i am speechless? 烦, i will pray to the god to gift me a healthy mother. GOD BLESS.

24 jun 10

ponteng again, a continue from yesterday classes ^^i think the reason of not feeling so well is sufficient for me to do so, feel so energiless and sick

tears from me, my beloved

yesterday, my dog seems very weak, she doesnt want to eat and mad when we pull it from getting wet as it cannot move or soent hav the enery to move, the wound and hole in its tail is recovering yet i think the cancer cell of it oredy spread all over till make her inhaling face a very big difficulties, she is breathing deeply all the while. till evening, she seems so hm dim and we hav no idea whether to send her to clinic but we oredy know even do so, she oso will not live long, den mum told me to get some fried chicken for her. i drove to bought fried chicken and sun bian ask the doctor whether hav any solution as he know her condition long time ago, then i explained to him how torturing she is livin on and the doctor oso think that "even u send her to here, she oso..., mayb can live for few more days or 2moro or..." den dere he said bought her favourite food"
home, feed her, no rasa, i even use the chicken to wipe off all her mouth to attract her, no use, den we feed her some 100+ with glucose as recommended by doctor, den she move her toungue and by that we give her the chicken slices while she lickin, after like 10 pistol of water she juz let the water flow out, den we juz leave her aside
at night, i visit her again, she lagi suffer, den suddenly she knocked her head up and down den i try to put the cloth below den b4 that she oredy stop knockin, den suddenly no breathe, i thought she was...luckily still alive but at interval of 10s, i dun dare to see how it dies off, so i quickly walk away, till nex morning, mum said" betty 死了", den i go watch her, she died calmly
. at 1st i thought i won cry, mayb coz i think it will be a relief for her, den when i sit down, tears dere they dropped, before i out, i say last bye to her b4 she is burried. "betty byebye"

my last word to you

betty,
hope u stayhappy in the heaven, ur leaving will be good for u as u hav suffer from the sickness for such a long time, i believe it will be a relief for u, yesterday, i feel sad for u coz u seems so suffer and i hope to cover ur nose and let u juz go, but den it was like to cruel, please be living freely in the heaven and i think ah o will lead u well, i love u, i will always remeber how hav u sacrifice for us in protecting my home and bringing me so much of happiness 安息吧 betty 走好吧 betty

my emo fluctuate

2day my mood hav big problem , suddenly feel so stress in class, when i found myself bought wrong book and i found myself know nothing about what the lecturer said infront. normally, i wont think that is a matter i know when everytime i ask fren:"u know what he said", they ans:" ok a" i will worry for a second that return normal, coz i tell myself i selfstudy la coz that is the way i survive since i enter fes, mayb coz i bought the wrong book to study and that lecturer teaching really make me feel useless coz my intermediate that i took last sem was he and his notes really xx and the way he teach oso xx, i survive bcoz of my textbook, so...
skip for 2 classes after long consideration in car, after i called my friend whether he free or not to accom me but never ans, den i choose to go home sleep, feel so sorry to macro tutorial when my group is presenting the tutorial

one of my interest after stay in puchong

when i stay in puchong, feel free, full full, there will i think this activity- wash car, it gradually has bcome one my interest. i dislike my car to be dirty, even rain drops stain on the windshield mirror i oso cannot tahan, i scare ppl comment on my dirty car when they sit on, i feel ashame, then there it bcome my interest till wash it twice a week, it was like only 3 days ago i juz wash it and 2day coz after the road construction, dust and mist stay on the surface, i felt uncomfort yet i hav the time, there i wash, i only like to wash my car, selfishness and it is small, no need waste much energy, hehe, and after wash i dont like to wipe dry the roof, coz i think no one will see it and i not enuf tall, hav to take chair, lazy la...

tuesday 15 jun- days with their hsemates

after yesterday meet up with pohlee, kalik, robin in steven to hav the not so interesting match, holland vs denmark, i was quite bored in the beginning till we get to spoke up after the 45 min,i plan to pay for pohlee coz i owe him but he refused somemore pay for me, this really is what i dont want, feel so sorry. den i follow them to cc, which make my 1st time in my life sit and play for an hour which make my life so dumb where i act super dumb, scream and nosily cc-ing, i think if there is less ppl, i will sure be put an eye by the others " who is the dumbmie makin so much of noise", and i will hide my head off. then after robin finish what he said assignment, i went to their hse to hav a visit as i promise, it was a hse where not too bad, clean and dun hav kind of guy smell. then, robin and szewee go pool, i follow too as i hav nothing to do and dun wish to back pv yet, den stay till like 12.30 , finally back loo , car problem , make me scare for half an hour, finally with the help of ivan, car settle, no more fanning, home and chat with geh, -> sleep,

den 2day last min decide to watch movie with them, wait for szewee for 2hours for his lab, seriously quite sien but of course cant let him know, den i walk in compound, find some room for me to stay and sit not to let him see me so that he wont feel i m waiting him, how considerate i'm, hehe, den whole hse of him except shin' bro went wangsa walk watch killer, den dinner in a mamak till 10, den home loo...it was a great to me coz i am enjoy livin in guys as i found many fun here, there is a lot of best than as guy, no offense to them~

612

is ping birthday~ this morning only i reconfirm with them whether lunch still on or not, though is i suggest de, haha, the 1st time i suggest something^^full house
food not too bad, not too expensive, decorated~
ping seriously is so straight, we no need to hide any from her, she even lazy to pretend suprise dy, haha, we mai dan in front of her. for me, each person's birthday hav become a gathering for me, a gathering of blow water, say some lame thing, cool joke that doesnot freeze me at all...sorry la, i know my laugh point very high, hav to blame i am born with a over logical thought.
happy birthday ping

611

yesterday havin birthday celebration with my, in neway, in you yat chun, in setapak, till i make my record sleep for 2+ hour den head to school liau, luckily yesterday i hav a great parkin in pv7 luckily when at home at early morning, where again i am so geng coz i can tahan till that time yet my temper still very good, hehe...with my sui yong of tieng what they said gaga look out from times to home, i think the ugliest night outside but dun care la, if not pimples sure grow all around liau...

utar parkin is a gift

i got my parkin, finally after curi curi apply 4, so lucky...is so hard to make me walk 15 min o school everyday without parkin and hav yet curi curi parkin at the residents's hse, scare of kena summon and scold by the residents dere.is such a bore to find parkin in tbr everytime which take me many time, so happy to get to know and proud to say "i am chosen", haha

undecisive monday

undecisive in ajak Eric for a movie coz i felt myself very weird but yet coz he invite me b4 and i ffk him last time, i used to brave up myself date him.another reason is hav nothing to do in setapak. however, end up din watch coz class on 2moro morning cancel and i hav to stay over in setapak this thursday again, hence ffk him, seriously feel sorry to him coz within 1 hour time, i ajak him and ffk him. i again undecisive in stay over in setapak or not coz 2moro 8 am class cancel. coz i dun wan let joyce think that i always stay over kacau her bed. and another reason is i scare the pv girls miss thought something about the movie. undecisive in driving on a new route when there is a jam in front of me, but finally choosing an unfamiliar road home, makin me drive for 2 hours, pass 4 tolls, almost jam in damansara, but another adv is i try to make myself learn new road though with lots of scarees, again i am save home but my body is tireess, hope can go for massage

an unusual chat

if u ask me when is the time i talk most with my brother, den that is when we argue and quarell and this happened to me 2day for a little small matter that always frequently happened between he and i. i used to not tolerate with him with such a boastful and unmanner attitude. he will think he is the eldest and has the most right but so pity him to hav me as his sister, no eldest or youngest in my dictionary but only correct or wrong. i can be a great fighter if there is an fight between us, i believe

12.29am friday

since i hav decide to change my course structure in the beginning, i should not regret now for my friends not being study togather, however, i will sometimes feel pity to myself coz i scared other ppl pity me for why so lonely, yes mayb, but still ok la, learn to grow up by myself not seems to be to bad to me as i am always that independent o...^^